“Abide in me and I in you. As a branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me.”  – Jesus

I’ve been gnawing on what it means to abide in Jesus for a few years now. Though a concrete picture of a grape clinging to a vine, Jesus’s command to cling to Him as if He were a vine and I, a piece of fruit, used to feel too abstract to actually live out. Marriage – and a little knowledge about winemaking – has begun to teach me what Jesus meant.  

When I married Jake, I became more intimately known than ever before. That’s when this verse started to take on a whole new meaning. No longer could I try to turn my head from my own ugliness or hope the world would be too enchanted by what is good about me to truly see what is bad about me. (I mean ‘me’ in the deepest, truest sense.) Another human now knows every single aspect of me – the good, the bad, and the ugly. The me-centeredness, the impatience, the greediness – all the things that I had managed to hide from most people (including myself) are now exposed.

Lovingly, Jake calls me out as these heart issues inevitably surface. If I start speaking to him brusquely or my priorities are out of whack, I hear about it, which I’m eternally thankful for. Because my faults usually either hurt him or create a barrier between the two of us, I end up – eventually, by the grace of the Holy Spirit – for the Lord knows I am a stubborn one – recognizing my ugliness and asking Jake for forgiveness, which he graciously gives. Jake wrestles with me in the arena of my own heart to make me more beautiful and pure through and through. My desire is to become more like Jesus and in calling out my ugliness, He helps me do so.

Seeing these mere, yet telling, glimpses of my imperfection, has made me realize that I make a terrible god of my own life, let alone judge based on my own limited understanding what is right and wrong and who is just and who is unjust. It has made me realize more than ever my need for a good God and made me seek Jesus more fervently and willingly submit to His perfect ways. As I have sought to know Jesus’s heart, He has taught me to cling to Him.

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To produce the most flavor, winemakers often like to strain the grapes as much as possible without pushing them to the point of death. This is because subjecting the grapes to harsh conditions makes the grapes slurp more nutrients from the vine and therefore have a more concentrated flavor.

Just as in harsh conditions, grapes naturally cling closer to their vine, marriage has been the conduit to teach me about my need for Jesus. Which has in turn taught me to turn to the source of Life amidst challenges. So now I get what Jesus means when He tells me to cling to Him like a grape clings to the vine. He makes me fruitful when I cling to Him – and not because of what I do, but because in Him is eternal life and Love itself. So if I’m connected to Him, I also experience Life in the fullest and also have Life to give.

Now that is something I can cheers to!