Quite literally, I see the glass half-empty. Or, in my case, I see the turquoise Contigo bottle that accompanies me everywhere (often I forget I don’t even realize I have it in hand), as half-empty. I always want to have water available: it’s good for me, therefore, why wouldn’t I take care to keep a full bottle, whenever possible. My knee-jerk logic goes something like that, anyway.

I’m not an overly negative person, so the metaphor in this vignette isn’t at all reflective of the typical half-empty / half-full analogy. Track with me.

For me, the metaphor of the half-empty bottle is reflective of how I naturally run my life in some ways. For instance, I am naturally inclined to want to control the “good things.” I want to hold them close, protect them. Intellectually I know that trying to clutch them – be it friendships, our cute apartment, our savings, what have you  – doesn’t help anything. Simply and beautifully this is because I am not sovereign. It is the Lord who gives and takes away. The Lord. Not me.

It’s also related to the perfectionism that strives to rule me: my perfectionism tells me to worry about not screwing up new hire orientation or hiring a new team member at work. My perfectionism wants me to be in control so as to not let others – or myself – down.

I wonder though, what would happen if I indeed saw imperfection as a gift — if I let my water bottle remain 2/3 empty (or, rather, 1/3 full) because I was so consumed by being in the present and savoring all of its nuances. If I was instead focused on the good gifts of the Lord around me, that I am the daughter of Christ and get to live with at least one foot in His Kingdom, whenever I choose to accept that gift. If I lived every minute in full trust of the Lord. What if I dwelt on future dreams or let my mundane thoughts turn into prayers for big and small things alike?

That’s the journey I’m on right now — figuring out how to live “palms up,” while still “making the most of every opportunity” (Ephesians 5:16). It’s the journey of figuring out how to become more conscious that Christ literally lives in me and fills me with the Holy Spirit. And because of that, it’s okay if my own water bottle hits empty from time to time.